I’ve been wondering what I want out of life. Writing is still my priority, still the path that I want to travel, but I’ve been thinking that I can deviate from fiction every once in a while. I like to assume that anyone can write a coherent sentence and make a valuable argument; but then I get into a discussion with someone and my mind is changed.
Not everyone can put words down and have them follow a true path that explains clearly what they mean, what position they hold, what views they see the world with. I have opinions, I have strong opinions, I want to express those opinions in a way that everyone can see because I think they’re worthy of being seen and because in all honesty I think they are superior to some opinions.
I want to write my fantasy and create worlds none have seen before…but lately I’ve also wanted to talk about the world we live in, my view of it, my opinions on what others think and what I see as useful change and useless argumentation. But I think that’s a substantially harder field to traverse because it opens you to much more criticism, and not only criticism of what you’ve written but criticism of you as a human being.
Don’t get me wrong; I can handle criticism and discourse, but it’s so draining. Especially when my mood is already so inconstant it would be hard to stay strong against the expected backlash.
I think my goal is just to express myself in as many ways as I can and that leaves me with no real solid goal as of right now. Becoming someone who others listen to and look up to is definitely a preference at this point. I want to help people with my words and my ability to put those words in ways that they can understand.
In any case I’m moving toward these wants slowly, but I can feel myself moving, which is fantastic in my eyes. I’ve been stagnating for a few weeks now but things are starting to pick up again; I’ve been drawing, creating videos expressing my opinions and basically working on a different part of my goal. Hopefully I’ll find myself where I want to be in the next few months.
Overall there are too many paths for me to go down. I find myself backing out of one and going down another, making small gains down each but never really making my way far enough down any. It’s hard to make a choice and abandon all others, hopefully I can find a balance that works and doesn’t end up with me failing everything.